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Last month, after much begging on my Mother’s part, I began cleaning out my old childhood bedroom.  Amongst my things, I found an old collection of bizarre fortune cookie fortunes that I had long forgotten about.  Some are odd and shockingly bold predictions about my future.  Others I have to guess are Chinese proverbs which really got lost in the translation.  The rest really defy categorization.  Some highlights:

• A job offer requires serious consideration.
• You will move to a wonderful new home within the year.
• These both would’ve been amazing about a year ago instead of when i was 14.  Very few fortune cookies actually tie themselves to a deadline, either.
• You long to see the great pyramids in Egypt.
• How much did the Cairo Chamber of Commerce pay for this one?
• You are a guiding star of his existence.
• I have no clue who “he” might be.  It’s not capitalized, so I don’t think they’re talking about any omnipotent beings.  What’s scarier is that I have two copies of this fortune, in two different colors and fonts.
• You sing as sweetly as an angel.
• Lucifer was an angel….
• When the mouse look [sic] down upon the cat, there must be an escape route nearby.
• A person of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
• You will soon meet the person you admire.
• Apparently there’s only one.
• Say hello to others. You will have a happier day.
• Rest is a good thing, but boredom is its brother.
• Sleepwalking may not mean anything.
• Who needs health insurance?  Just eat some Lo Mein and you’ll get all the fancy medical advice you need.
• Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
• So don’t bother getting that mysterious mole checked out.  Dr. Fortune Cookie saves the day again!
• How you look depends on where you go.
• Alas! The onion you are eating is someone else’s water lily.
• Now is a good time to buy stock.
• From the cafeteria at Enron headquarters. 
• You would make a good lawyer.
• You are independent politically.
• Yup.  I’m as fair and balanced as a certain “news” network I could name…
• Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
• Oh.  Like “You’re either with us, or you’re with Al Queda?” (See above)
• Negotiations move along smoothly, the outcome is favorable!
• You could prosper in the field of medical research.
• The cookie didn’t specify if it means as a scientist or guinea pig.
• Love is like sweet medicine, good to the last drop.
• So many filthy places I could go with this one.
• Consult your mate for advice.
• Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.
• This is really a lovely day.  Congratulations!
• Criticize but do not abandon your delinquent friends.
• I do, wise cookie!  But they tend to take offense at being called “delinquent”
• Very often you cannot help thinking of somebody.
• You will step on the soil of many countries.
• A real estate deal will be successful.
• The world is a grand comedy to your sense of humor.

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